I'm Drowning

What can I say? It was an ordinary day. I just lay down on my couch and let my mind take me somewhere new.

I was deep in the water trying to reach the bottom. I knew there was something precious but didn’t know what it was. I didn’t ask why. I just kicked my legs like a frog as hard as I could. The pressure was building up in my ears. I could feel my eyeballs twitching. Why risk life diving this deep? I needed to get out of the water for fresh air. I looked up and faced the blue ceiling. I could see the sunshine piercing through the water. I released air bubbles through my nose and let gravity pull me upward. I was getting excited to fill my lungs with oxygen. However, when I reached the top, I could not pass through the icy ceiling. The water now felt like a thick layer of bullet-proof glass. I realized there was no way to crush this barrier. I was stuck in the water. I was about to die.

I couldn’t move. I was possessed by this shallow yet vivid dream. I slowly moved my toes to confirm that I was alive. I heard loud chattering noises from outside the windows. I opened my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. I was on land. I almost drowned on land.

This experience repeated at least once a week for two years. My shrink told me it was stress that was trapping me inside these horrifying nightmares. My girlfriend said my subconscious was trying to send a message from the universe. She wanted me to meditate and resolve this issue with my own mind. I asked, “How exactly am I supposed to do that?” She said, “Close your eyes and pay attention to nothing but your breath.” I was really confident I could do that. Focus on breathing. I’d been doing that for the past two years.

In our living room, I sat on a carpet and posed like a bearded guru at an ancient temple. Within a minute, I was completely stuck in the water again. I never stopped meditating inside the water. I didn’t care about reaching the top. I made no effort to break through the glass ceiling. I was free. Free from all the worries that haunted my daily life.

I finally drowned. This time, I drowned in the water, not on land. I passed out and felt my soul leaving my body. The water vibrated like it was wailing for my death. From the top of the water, I watched my body sinking into the darkness. Everything was too quiet. I closed my eyes, waiting to return to the real world.